It’s easy to look at things and think that it’s not worth the sugars anymore. I was at my boyfriend’s parents’ house and they were eating really cheap chocolate donuts that normally I would probably have eaten without a thought. Now that I track my food and my sugar, I think it’s not even worth it to cheat. I also feel too good now to even want to feel bad just for some chocolate. Yet still I crave it. It’s like a Jekyll and Hyde in my brain. The rational side knows I’m better without it, enjoying feeling good and that I promised myself I wouldn’t eat it this month. The other side reminds me of the taste, the feeling while eating it, and how easy it is to get it. Is this what an addict feels like? I wouldn’t know. The only addiction I thought I had was with coffee. I’ve never done drugs and rarely drink. But even coffee I can go without being upset over except for a small headache I’d get later. I don’t crave it. I don’t think about it all the time.
I suppose I should specify that not only was the journey for health but my boyfriend and I were planning a trip to the Caribbean so that really lite a fire in my ass. I knew if I was going to reach my goal weight before then I’d need to do something drastic. I can’t see if I’m losing any weight as the batteries on my scale are dead but my clothes feel different. If I don’t reach my goals then I’m going to step it up even more.
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